He’s Not the Sun

Grey’s Anatomy is my favorite show. It’s also about a million other people’s favorite show. For me though I think I connect to it for different reasons, besides the fact that it’s really addictive and dramatic.

My mom passed away in 2009, Grey’s Anatomy was in its’ beginning seasons and my mom was OBSESSED. I did watch it with her, but it was more to lay in bed with her than to watch the show because I was pretty young. I have a very vivid memory of laying next to her while watching it and her on the phone with my older sister discussing the show while it happened. I think watching the show makes me feel close to her in a way, because it’s something I know we would have enjoy doing together if we had the chance.

But I also find myself relating to the different female characters on the show in interesting ways. Meredith Grey and Christina Yang have made me realize parts of my self, that I don’t think I would have on my own.

Some of Yang’s biggest character traits are her not wanting children, her father passing away when she was a child, and how she can come off cold to everyone. I view myself as a semi-feminine woman, I love makeup and getting all dressed up. My favorite color is pink and I love decorating (I also know these are all stereotypical things). But I try to present myself in a more confident and powerful way that really shows I will not put up with your bullshit. I can also be a cold person, this is not intended, but I naturally have a resting bitch face and can be intimating at times. Christina has furthered the belief that I do not need to smile whenever an old man says to, I can be who I want and the people who care will understand. I do not need to change how I present myself for anyone.

Christina’s father passed away in a car crash that she witnessed and her character struggles in several episodes with his death. Mainly it is shown as her own personal inner battles that she does not share with others, and I share my grief in similar ways. And she has shown me that’s ok. I have dealt with grief from my mother’s passing as well as my sexual assault. These are things I have felt ashamed of and have let controlled certain parts of my life. My mother’s passing will always be an important part of me, I miss her every day and would give ANYTHING to have her back. My sexual assault has definitely shaped the way I behave in some ways, but I try not to let it play a huge role (even though sometimes it can). Grey’s has confirmed you can deal with your grief in what ever way works for you. It has also shown that these parts of my life are not my entire story; even though they are still an important part and a constant theme in my life.

One quote Christina said to Meredith has continuously stuck with me:

grey

“Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he’s not the sun, you are.”

This to me is probably the most important lesson Grey’s has taught me. Throughout the whole show, many of the female characters show struggles with being overpowered by their partners/family/friends. I am in no way saying this happens in my life, but that it is something I’m terrified of becoming a problem in my life. I see myself as a force. I think I can do great things. I dream of having a fantastic and impactful career. I do not see myself settling for anything. I am terrified of finding myself in a position where I am standing in the shadows of someone else. I see this quote as summing that belief up.

I am the sun. I must be the sun.

 

xx Hannah

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