I have ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Moderate Depression. If you knew me in real life, or followed me on Twitter you wouldn’t be surprised to find this out.
I am also an extrovert 98% of the time. I thrive when I’m with people, I don’t like being alone, I feel the need to constantly be communicating with someone. I do need a day or two after to recoup (good ol’ depression.) I always joke about how I’m an extrovert with severe social anxiety so basically a living oxymoron.
One of the most apparent things about my anxiety is that I crave interactions, but never feel comfortable initiating them. I live in a city where I do have a few friends, but they all have lives outside of constantly hanging out with me (surprising I know.) So I tend to spend a lot of time alone. This is something new to me. And is something that was REALLY hard for me at the beginning.
For a while I viewed it as I had something wrong with me and I needed to change. I would spend days not talking to anyone but my coworkers. I wouldn’t eat because I didn’t think I had enough energy to cook. I lived on Diet Coke. I wanted to change myself so much and didn’t understand why I couldn’t just DO IT. It took a while to realize that I don’t have to change myself, but I have to find what works for me and will help me cope with the situation I’m currently in.
I wouldn’t say I’m 100% comfortable, I definitely am constantly dealing with my depression and trying to remember to get out of bed some nights and weekends (most nights and weekends honestly) but I’m getting better. For a while how I coped was probably not the smartest (random boys in my bed) but I’ve gotten better at that. There are a few things that have really helped me:
My cat Moose. It sounds ridiculous but he has been such a grounding thing for me, he technically is an emotional support animal (doctor’s note and all) because I needed that for my apartment. But I did not realize how big of an affect he would have on me. He gives me a reason to get out of bed (because I have to feed him and he wouldn’t dare let me forget that) and cuddles with me which makes me feel less alone. I would not be doing as well as I am if I didn’t have him.
I have been working on ~me~ which I hate because that’s cheesy but it’s kind of true. Friday nights are usually me nights; I put on a face mask, hair mask, do my nails, and take a super long shower. Then usually end the night curled up in bed with a really good book. I believe that apple cider vinegar cures everything so honestly I just put that all over my face and hair. This picture is from earlier tonight and I will probably regret putting it on the internet but oh well. Spending time to make myself physically feel better helps a lot with making sure I feel the same way mentally.
Home decor and crafting is my SHIT now. I am Joanna Gaines. I have come to find out I may not be the best, but figuring out how to repurpose items or give them a makeover is SO FUN. A few examples of what I’ve done is turning a cabinet door into a cute retro coffee table, turning a vintage pink ironing board into a jewelry holder, and a dresser I repainted to match my personality in the best way (hot pink with cactuses all over the sides). I try to do projects in place of Netflix and reading. I love both and still do them constantly, but finding something to do with my hands and using my brain in a new way has really changed how I look at the world. I’m constantly thinking of what I can do next. It helps with realizing there’s things I can do by myself that are just as entertaining and fulfilling as hanging out with people.
The point of this post is that it’s important to find what works best for YOU when it comes with dealing with your anxiety and depression. This post in no way covers all that I deal with related to my disorders, this honestly barely scratches the surface. But it something I’m working on being more vocal about because I think mental health is something everyone should be vocal about. I do not need to change me, just need to figure out what works be for ME.